Sterilization: Difference between revisions
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'''Sterilization''' means many kinds of body modification that make a person's body so that it can never make children. Sterilization is part of many kinds of gender-validating [[ | '''Sterilization''' means many kinds of body modification that make a person's body so that it can never make children. Sterilization is part of many kinds of gender-validating [[surgery|surgeries]] that [[transgender]] and [[transsexual]] people (including some [[nonbinary]] people) may want in order to change their reproductive organs and genitals ("[[bottom surgery]]"). However, in many places, transgender and [[intersex]] people get sterilized even if they don't want to be. | ||
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The doctor may try to make you postpone talking about sterilization for later in the future, such as six months away, or ten years away, to give you more time to think it over. Tell them that you cannot wait that long, and that you want sterilization within the next couple of months at the longest. Say, "If you impose a waiting period, then I will seek another doctor instead who doesn’t make me wait. I have already had [years] to think about this. I made my decision a very long time ago. I’ve spent [time period] researching the details of what I want to make sure that this is an informed decision and that I know exactly what I’m asking for." | The doctor may try to make you postpone talking about sterilization for later in the future, such as six months away, or ten years away, to give you more time to think it over. Tell them that you cannot wait that long, and that you want sterilization within the next couple of months at the longest. Say, "If you impose a waiting period, then I will seek another doctor instead who doesn’t make me wait. I have already had [years] to think about this. I made my decision a very long time ago. I’ve spent [time period] researching the details of what I want to make sure that this is an informed decision and that I know exactly what I’m asking for." | ||
DO stay polite, confident, and calm. Stand your ground without antagonizing the doctor or being hostile, crying, or being emotional. If you act emotional, doctors have been known to respond to this by saying you seem too immature to make this decision, or may say they'd prefer to discuss your options in another appointment after you've had time to calm down, or may prefer not to do business with you at all, out of concern that you might get upset and sue them after they sterilize you. “Just as … you should never show fear when facing an angry animal, you should NEVER show any doubt or sign of wavering when up against a doctor, because they can smell it. And it smells … like ‘future malpractice suit’ to them.”<ref>http://hollowdoll.livejournal.com/152806.html</ref> | DO stay polite, confident, and calm. Stand your ground without antagonizing the doctor or being hostile, crying, or being emotional. If you act emotional, doctors have been known to respond to this by saying you seem too immature to make this decision, or may say they'd prefer to discuss your options in another appointment after you've had time to calm down, or may prefer not to do business with you at all, out of concern that you might get upset and sue them after they sterilize you. “Just as … you should never show fear when facing an angry animal, you should NEVER show any doubt or sign of wavering when up against a doctor, because they can smell it. And it smells … like ‘future malpractice suit’ to them.”<ref name="hollowdoll">http://hollowdoll.livejournal.com/152806.html</ref> | ||
DON'T give the idea that you would raise children if you had them by adoption, or if your partner already had them. If the doctor thinks that you might ever want children, in any way, then they won't let you get sterilized. They'll think you'll most likely want children by birth, and that you'll regret sterilization. In order to get sterilized, you need to give the idea that you are confident that you never want children, not even by adoption. Even if you secretly would like to adopt children, you'll have to pretend to be "childfree," meaning someone who chooses to never have or raise children. | DON'T give the idea that you would raise children if you had them by adoption, or if your partner already had them. If the doctor thinks that you might ever want children, in any way, then they won't let you get sterilized. They'll think you'll most likely want children by birth, and that you'll regret sterilization. In order to get sterilized, you need to give the idea that you are confident that you never want children, not even by adoption. Even if you secretly would like to adopt children, you'll have to pretend to be "childfree," meaning someone who chooses to never have or raise children. | ||
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DON'T give the idea that you resent children and people who have children. Your doctor may be a parent, and if they feel you are antagonizing or insulting them, they won't want to do business with you. DO give the idea that you respect these people, and just want to live a different life than a parent. If the doctor tells stories about their own life as an example of the importance of having children, point out that you aren’t judging the doctor for how they live their own life, because it’s their own business. Your own life choices are not personal insults to them. | DON'T give the idea that you resent children and people who have children. Your doctor may be a parent, and if they feel you are antagonizing or insulting them, they won't want to do business with you. DO give the idea that you respect these people, and just want to live a different life than a parent. If the doctor tells stories about their own life as an example of the importance of having children, point out that you aren’t judging the doctor for how they live their own life, because it’s their own business. Your own life choices are not personal insults to them. | ||
DON'T leave out relevant information in your medical paperwork, and DON'T tell lies in your medical paperwork. Either of these might count as insurance fraud.<ref | DON'T leave out relevant information in your medical paperwork, and DON'T tell lies in your medical paperwork. Either of these might count as insurance fraud.<ref name="hollowdoll" /> | ||
If you have relevant health problems that would make it risky for you to reproduce, DO play them up. Go into detail about how you have lots of valid concern about that.<ref | If you have relevant health problems that would make it risky for you to reproduce, DO play them up. Go into detail about how you have lots of valid concern about that.<ref name="hollowdoll" /> | ||
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The doctor will ask questions to find out about how your relationships with others might undermine your interest in sterilization. In particular, your doctor will want to know if any romances you might have could change how you feel about it. Here are some of the kinds of questions they might ask about relationships, and some good ideas for what to say in reply. | The doctor will ask questions to find out about how your relationships with others might undermine your interest in sterilization. In particular, your doctor will want to know if any romances you might have could change how you feel about it. Here are some of the kinds of questions they might ask about relationships, and some good ideas for what to say in reply. | ||
Q: "What if you meet 'the one', and they want children? Or if they already have children?"<ref>http://sterilizationqa.livejournal.com/50688.html#comments</ref> | Q: "What if you meet 'the one', and they want children? Or if they already have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa">http://sterilizationqa.livejournal.com/50688.html#comments</ref> | ||
A: "If they want children, then they’re not 'the one' for me." DON'T say that you might adopt children or raise someone else's. If you do, the doctor will decide you don't really want sterilization. They will instead recommend a temporary kind of birth control. | A: "If they want children, then they’re not 'the one' for me." DON'T say that you might adopt children or raise someone else's. If you do, the doctor will decide you don't really want sterilization. They will instead recommend a temporary kind of birth control. | ||
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Q: "What do your parents think about no grandchildren?"<ref>http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1522864</ref> | Q: "What do your parents think about no grandchildren?"<ref name="everything2">http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1522864</ref> | ||
A: "My parents understand that I get to make my own big life decisions, and they respect that." If you have siblings who had children, say that these are your parents' grandchildren. | A: "My parents understand that I get to make my own big life decisions, and they respect that." If you have siblings who had children, say that these are your parents' grandchildren. | ||
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The doctor will ask about how you feel about alternatives to sterilization, and will try to persuade you to use them instead. Your doctor will likely ask you about each kind of birth control that could apply to you. Before the appointment, research all the kinds of birth control that apply to you, so that you can tell your doctor about your concerns about each of their risks, or why they're each not suited to you. | The doctor will ask about how you feel about alternatives to sterilization, and will try to persuade you to use them instead. Your doctor will likely ask you about each kind of birth control that could apply to you. Before the appointment, research all the kinds of birth control that apply to you, so that you can tell your doctor about your concerns about each of their risks, or why they're each not suited to you. | ||
Q: "Why don’t you just use non-permanent kinds of birth control?"<ref | Q: "Why don’t you just use non-permanent kinds of birth control?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> | ||
A: "I want a permanent kind, because I never want to have children." | A: "I want a permanent kind, because I never want to have children." | ||
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Q: "Why don't you just get an abortion after an unwanted pregnancy?"<ref | Q: "Why don't you just get an abortion after an unwanted pregnancy?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> This question is meant to take you off guard by seeming flippant about a serious matter. | ||
A: "I'd rather prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place. I don't want to have to deal with the health risks and the moral dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy. Sterilization is much safer for my physical and mental health than an abortion." | A: "I'd rather prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place. I don't want to have to deal with the health risks and the moral dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy. Sterilization is much safer for my physical and mental health than an abortion." | ||
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The doctor will want to know whether your views on this matter are changeable. If you might change your mind about it in the future, the doctor will see this as trouble for them, and won't want to do business with you. | The doctor will want to know whether your views on this matter are changeable. If you might change your mind about it in the future, the doctor will see this as trouble for them, and won't want to do business with you. | ||
Q: "What makes you think you won’t change your mind when you’re older and wiser?"<ref | Q: "What makes you think you won’t change your mind when you’re older and wiser?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> The doctor thinks this might be a phase that you'll grow out of, or that it will be natural for you to want children when you're more mature. | ||
A: "Because I have held this same opinion for my entire life without ever changing my mind about it. I will never change my mind." For people who are able to get pregnant, it's also relevant to bring up that being 35 or older means that a pregnancy is automatically considered risky. Raising a child is harder at that age, too. If you're not 35 yet, you can say that you would be glad about having been sterilized a long time before then. | A: "Because I have held this same opinion for my entire life without ever changing my mind about it. I will never change my mind." For people who are able to get pregnant, it's also relevant to bring up that being 35 or older means that a pregnancy is automatically considered risky. Raising a child is harder at that age, too. If you're not 35 yet, you can say that you would be glad about having been sterilized a long time before then. | ||
Q: "What if you regret it after you get sterilized?" Or, "What would you do if you were sterilized and then decided you wanted to have children?"<ref | Q: "What if you regret it after you get sterilized?" Or, "What would you do if you were sterilized and then decided you wanted to have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> | ||
A: "I'm confident that you will never want children, by adoption or otherwise. I'm never going to change my mind." It's appropriate to explain in more detail about why you know you'll never want children. Just keep a respectful tone about children and people who have children, because if you personally offend the doctor by insulting their life choices, they might not want to do business with you. "I'm confident that I won't regret it. How about this offer: I could write and sign a paper, a release form that says I won't sue you or hold you liable for that reason. Would that satisfy your concerns?"<ref | A: "I'm confident that you will never want children, by adoption or otherwise. I'm never going to change my mind." It's appropriate to explain in more detail about why you know you'll never want children. Just keep a respectful tone about children and people who have children, because if you personally offend the doctor by insulting their life choices, they might not want to do business with you. "I'm confident that I won't regret it. How about this offer: I could write and sign a paper, a release form that says I won't sue you or hold you liable for that reason. Would that satisfy your concerns?"<ref name="hollowdoll" /> | ||
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Q: "What if you had a child who cured cancer?"<ref | Q: "What if you had a child who cured cancer?"<ref name="everything2" /> | ||
A: "I will not have a child, so this question is moot. Many other people are having children, and ''they'' might cure cancer, and that’s the way that I prefer it." | A: "I will not have a child, so this question is moot. Many other people are having children, and ''they'' might cure cancer, and that’s the way that I prefer it." | ||
Q: "But you're so smart/beautiful! Your children would be so smart/beautiful!"<ref | Q: "But you're so smart/beautiful! Your children would be so smart/beautiful!"<ref name="everything2" /> (This isn't a question, but an attempt to see if flattery could change your mind.) | ||
A: "I'm not going to have children." | A: "I'm not going to have children." | ||