Intimacy: Difference between revisions

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This page will contain information and links about navigating acts of sexual intimacy as a nonbinary person, or as the partner of a nonbinary person.

Tips[edit | edit source]

Though certain sexual acts may be traditionally associated with a binary gender, or with femininity/masculinity, this is not inherent.
Communication before, during, and after sex is vital. For example:
- Make it clear what acts you are comfortable with, and which ones you do not want to do. Consider working on a "Yes/No/Maybe" list for yourself and your partner(s).
- Let your partner(s) know if there are certain words (for anatomical parts, terms of endearment, etc) that you want them to use or avoid.
- Let your partner(s) know if there is an area of your body you do not want touched, due to dysphoria or any other reason.
- Let your partner(s) know if you need to stop, take a pause, or change activities during the encounter for any reason.
Orgasming is good, but not required for sex to be satisfying. Depending on hormonal levels, dysphoria, or other reasons, orgasm may be very difficult or impossible for someone to achieve.
Penetration is also not required for sex (and may be difficult or impossible for the same reasons as listed in previous point).
Consider if you need to use safer sex tools (internal condom, external condom, dental dam, etc) for birth control and/or preventing infection transmission. Keep in mind that hormone therapy does not fully prevent fertility.

Resources[edit | edit source]

I'm Trans and Nonbinary: Here's What I Want Cis People To Know About Having Sex With Me, by Jamie LeClaire
What Is Sex Like With A Non Binary Person?, by Shannon Cabeen
How to Have Sex with a Trans/NB Person Without Being Gross, by Mickey Valentine
Having Sex with A Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person is You, by Maya Gittelman
Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist, by Heather Corinna and CJ Turett
F*ck Me!, a free zine/booklet that you can fill out with your intimate preferences/needs and share with partners
Fucking Trans Women, an 80 page zine with practical advice for sex by and with transfeminine people.
Roche, Juno (2018). Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)
8 Tips on Respectfully Talking Pleasure, Sex, and Bodies With Your Trans Lover, by Sam Dylan Finch

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+{{disclaimer|The Nonbinary Wiki is written by volunteers who are not necessarily experts on medical topics. This wiki and its editors make no representations or warranties of any kind. This wiki and its editors shall not be liable for any physical, psychological, emotional, financial, or commercial damages, prosecutions, or proceedings instituted against any person or entity as a result of the use of information from this file, or any loss, injury, or damage caused thereby. You claim full responsibility for your own health decisions. This wiki will not be held responsible for your actions. Any information here does not constitute legal, financial, medical, business, or other advice. This wiki should not be used to recommend a path for diagnosing or treating any medical condition. For that, you must consult your physician.}}
 This page will contain information and links about navigating acts of sexual intimacy as a nonbinary person, or as the partner of a nonbinary person.
@@ Line 8: / Line 10: @@
 ** Let your partner(s) know if there are certain words (for anatomical parts, terms of endearment, etc) that you want them to use or avoid.
 ** Let your partner(s) know if there is an area of your body you do not want touched, due to [[dysphoria]] or any other reason.
-** Let your partner(s) know if you need to stop or change activities during the encounter for any reason.
+** Let your partner(s) know if you need to stop, take a pause, or change activities during the encounter for any reason.
 * Orgasming is good, but not required for sex to be satisfying. Depending on [[Hormone therapy|hormonal levels]], dysphoria, or other reasons, orgasm may be very difficult or impossible for someone to achieve.
+* Penetration is also not required for sex (and may be difficult or impossible for the same reasons as listed in previous point).
+* Consider if you need to use safer sex tools (internal condom, external condom, dental dam, etc) for birth control and/or preventing infection transmission. Keep in mind that [[hormone therapy]] does not fully prevent fertility.
 ==Resources==
-*[https://www.wellandgood.com/trans-nonbinary-sex/ I’m Trans and Nonbinary: Here’s What I Want Cis People To Know About Having Sex With Me], by Jamie LeClaire
+*[https://www.wellandgood.com/trans-nonbinary-sex/ I'm Trans and Nonbinary: Here's What I Want Cis People To Know About Having Sex With Me], by Jamie LeClaire
 *[https://www.women.com/shannon/lists/what-is-sex-like-with-a-non-binary-person-agender-trans-and-sex What Is Sex Like With A Non Binary Person?], by Shannon Cabeen
 *[https://web.archive.org/web/20160311020633/https://mickeyvalentinetee.com/2016/03/03/how-to-have-sex-with-a-transnb-person-without-being-gross/ How to Have Sex with a Trans/NB Person Without Being Gross], by Mickey Valentine
-*[https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/sex-with-the-non-binary-person-even-when-that-person-is-you-maya/ Having Sex with A Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person is You], by Maya Gittelman
+*[https://web.archive.org/web/20201014174519/https://thebodyisnotanapology.com/magazine/sex-with-the-non-binary-person-even-when-that-person-is-you-maya/ Having Sex with A Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person is You], by Maya Gittelman
+*[https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/yes_no_maybe_so_a_sexual_inventory_stocklist Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist], by Heather Corinna and CJ Turett
+*[https://www.scarleteen.com/article/relationships_sexual_identity_sexuality/well_fck_me_its_a_scarleteen_zine_0 F*ck Me!], a free zine/booklet that you can fill out with your intimate preferences/needs and share with partners
+*[http://fuckingtranswomen.org/ Fucking Trans Women], an 80 page zine with practical advice for sex by and with transfeminine people.
+*{{cite book|title=Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships|last=Roche|first=Juno|authorlink=Juno Roche|date=2018|publisher=Jessica Kingsley Publishers}}
+*[https://everydayfeminism.com/2014/12/8-tips-on-respectfully-talking-pleasure-sex-and-bodies-with-your-trans-lover/ 8 Tips on Respectfully Talking Pleasure, Sex, and Bodies With Your Trans Lover], by Sam Dylan Finch
 [[Category: Practical resources]]