Editing Sterilization
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The doctor may try to make you postpone talking about sterilization for later in the future, such as six months away, or ten years away, to give you more time to think it over. Tell them that you cannot wait that long, and that you want sterilization within the next couple of months at the longest. Say, "If you impose a waiting period, then I will seek another doctor instead who doesn’t make me wait. I have already had [years] to think about this. I made my decision a very long time ago. I’ve spent [time period] researching the details of what I want to make sure that this is an informed decision and that I know exactly what I’m asking for." | The doctor may try to make you postpone talking about sterilization for later in the future, such as six months away, or ten years away, to give you more time to think it over. Tell them that you cannot wait that long, and that you want sterilization within the next couple of months at the longest. Say, "If you impose a waiting period, then I will seek another doctor instead who doesn’t make me wait. I have already had [years] to think about this. I made my decision a very long time ago. I’ve spent [time period] researching the details of what I want to make sure that this is an informed decision and that I know exactly what I’m asking for." | ||
DO stay polite, confident, and calm. Stand your ground without antagonizing the doctor or being hostile, crying, or being emotional. If you act emotional, doctors have been known to respond to this by saying you seem too immature to make this decision, or may say they'd prefer to discuss your options in another appointment after you've had time to calm down, or may prefer not to do business with you at all, out of concern that you might get upset and sue them after they sterilize you. “Just as … you should never show fear when facing an angry animal, you should NEVER show any doubt or sign of wavering when up against a doctor, because they can smell it. And it smells … like ‘future malpractice suit’ to them.”<ref name="hollowdoll">http://hollowdoll.livejournal.com/152806.html | DO stay polite, confident, and calm. Stand your ground without antagonizing the doctor or being hostile, crying, or being emotional. If you act emotional, doctors have been known to respond to this by saying you seem too immature to make this decision, or may say they'd prefer to discuss your options in another appointment after you've had time to calm down, or may prefer not to do business with you at all, out of concern that you might get upset and sue them after they sterilize you. “Just as … you should never show fear when facing an angry animal, you should NEVER show any doubt or sign of wavering when up against a doctor, because they can smell it. And it smells … like ‘future malpractice suit’ to them.”<ref name="hollowdoll">http://hollowdoll.livejournal.com/152806.html</ref> | ||
DON'T give the idea that you would raise children if you had them by adoption, or if your partner already had them. If the doctor thinks that you might ever want children, in any way, then they won't let you get sterilized. They'll think you'll most likely want children by birth, and that you'll regret sterilization. In order to get sterilized, you need to give the idea that you are confident that you never want children, not even by adoption. Even if you secretly would like to adopt children, you'll have to pretend to be "childfree," meaning someone who chooses to never have or raise children. | DON'T give the idea that you would raise children if you had them by adoption, or if your partner already had them. If the doctor thinks that you might ever want children, in any way, then they won't let you get sterilized. They'll think you'll most likely want children by birth, and that you'll regret sterilization. In order to get sterilized, you need to give the idea that you are confident that you never want children, not even by adoption. Even if you secretly would like to adopt children, you'll have to pretend to be "childfree," meaning someone who chooses to never have or raise children. | ||
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The doctor will ask questions to find out about how your relationships with others might undermine your interest in sterilization. In particular, your doctor will want to know if any romances you might have could change how you feel about it. Here are some of the kinds of questions they might ask about relationships, and some good ideas for what to say in reply. | The doctor will ask questions to find out about how your relationships with others might undermine your interest in sterilization. In particular, your doctor will want to know if any romances you might have could change how you feel about it. Here are some of the kinds of questions they might ask about relationships, and some good ideas for what to say in reply. | ||
Q: "What if you meet 'the one', and they want children? Or if they already have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa">http://sterilizationqa.livejournal.com/50688.html#comments | Q: "What if you meet 'the one', and they want children? Or if they already have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa">http://sterilizationqa.livejournal.com/50688.html#comments</ref> | ||
A: "If they want children, then they’re not 'the one' for me." DON'T say that you might adopt children or raise someone else's. If you do, the doctor will decide you don't really want sterilization. They will instead recommend a temporary kind of birth control. | A: "If they want children, then they’re not 'the one' for me." DON'T say that you might adopt children or raise someone else's. If you do, the doctor will decide you don't really want sterilization. They will instead recommend a temporary kind of birth control. | ||
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Q: "What do your parents think about no grandchildren?"<ref name="everything2">http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1522864 | Q: "What do your parents think about no grandchildren?"<ref name="everything2">http://www.everything2.com/index.pl?node_id=1522864</ref> | ||
A: "My parents understand that I get to make my own big life decisions, and they respect that." If you have siblings who had children, say that these are your parents' grandchildren. | A: "My parents understand that I get to make my own big life decisions, and they respect that." If you have siblings who had children, say that these are your parents' grandchildren. | ||
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A: "I'd like a permanent method of birth control that I can just set up once, instead of having to negotiate with it every time I have sex. Plus, sterilization is something that a sex partner can't remove, damage, or tamper with. I know I would still need to use condoms to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and they're very effective as birth control. It's wise to use more than one kind of birth control at once, and sterilization is a great back-up for condoms." | A: "I'd like a permanent method of birth control that I can just set up once, instead of having to negotiate with it every time I have sex. Plus, sterilization is something that a sex partner can't remove, damage, or tamper with. I know I would still need to use condoms to protect against sexually transmitted infections (STIs), and they're very effective as birth control. It's wise to use more than one kind of birth control at once, and sterilization is a great back-up for condoms." | ||
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A: "I'd rather prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place. I don't want to have to deal with the health risks and the moral dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy. Sterilization is much safer for my physical and mental health than an abortion." | A: "I'd rather prevent unwanted pregnancies in the first place. I don't want to have to deal with the health risks and the moral dilemma of an unwanted pregnancy. Sterilization is much safer for my physical and mental health than an abortion." | ||
==== Changeability ==== | ==== Changeability ==== | ||
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Q: "What if you regret it after you get sterilized?" Or, "What would you do if you were sterilized and then decided you wanted to have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> | Q: "What if you regret it after you get sterilized?" Or, "What would you do if you were sterilized and then decided you wanted to have children?"<ref name="sterilizationqa" /> | ||
A: "I'm confident that | A: "I'm confident that you will never want children, by adoption or otherwise. I'm never going to change my mind." It's appropriate to explain in more detail about why you know you'll never want children. Just keep a respectful tone about children and people who have children, because if you personally offend the doctor by insulting their life choices, they might not want to do business with you. "I'm confident that I won't regret it. How about this offer: I could write and sign a paper, a release form that says I won't sue you or hold you liable for that reason. Would that satisfy your concerns?"<ref name="hollowdoll" /> | ||
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A: "More likely, if I had a child, it would confirm that I do not want a child, just as I always knew to be the case. Having an unwanted child would be a cruel and pointless experiment." | A: "More likely, if I had a child, it would confirm that I do not want a child, just as I always knew to be the case. Having an unwanted child would be a cruel and pointless experiment." | ||
==== Children ==== | ==== Children ==== | ||