Coming out: Difference between revisions

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«	I came out first to myself, which was after a period of denial and confusion, followed by the joy of self discovery.	»
— Jay, 19 (Nonbinary)^[1]

Coming out is a phrase common in the LGBT community that means "to recognise one's sexual orientation, gender identity, or sex identity, and to [become] open about it with oneself and with others."^[2] People with nonbinary gender identities have to come out if they are to be recognised as nonbinary. This is because in cultures that recognise only the gender binary, nonbinary people have only the options of being closeted (not "out" or open about one's gender identity) or stealth (living as one's chosen gender without others knowing that one is trans). There are some particular needs that are unique to the situation of coming out as nonbinary, as opposed to coming out as anything else. For example, the average person has an idea of what lesbians are, and knows that they exist in real life. Whatever other obstacles a lesbian woman might face when she comes out, she likely doesn't have to contend with those particular issues. However, the average person doesn't know what nonbinary people are, and doesn't have context for them existing in real life. Anyone who comes out as nonbinary needs to be prepared to explain what nonbinary gender is, and be prepared for the possibility that others might not accept it as a real gender identity.

Before coming out

«	I'm always careful at first when raising the topic with new people, if I mention trans people and they respond badly I stay quiet about my own gender. Safety comes before comfort.*	»
— Ced, 21 (Agender)^[1]

Safety comes before comfort

Coming out can be a life-changing decision. This is why it's important to take time to take your decision and to analyse your situation. Make sure that you are safe, so that if something goes wrong you can keep on going with your regular life. Even though coming out feels very liberating, there's a risk of not being accepted. A good way of making sure you live in a safe environment is mentioning transgender people in a conversation with the person you want to come out to and see their reaction.

Analyse your audience

Depending on who you want to come out, you will need to take a different approach. A young person is more likely to accept your identity than a grandparent is. However, always keep in mind that the opinions of older people tend to be less open because of their education, not because they don't love you.

Template letters

When coming out as nonbinary to someone in writing, it can help to use template letters to figure out what to say, and how to say it well. See the page template letters - coming out for a collection of these.

External links

Susan's Place Transgender Resource Wiki - A Guide to Coming Out to Family
Susan's Place Transgender Resource Wiki - A Guide to Coming Out at the Workplace
Susan's Place Transgender Resource Wiki - Coming out for transsexuals and transvestites
"Telling Your Parents" by Kay Metsker (1989), Part 1, Part 2.

References

↑ ^1.0 ^1.1 This quote is a snippet from an answer to the survey conducted in the year 2018. Note for editors: the text of the quote, as well as the name, age and gender identity of its author shouldn't be changed.
↑ "LGBT resources: Definition of terms." [1]

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[story-quote-1] 1.0 ^1.1 This quote is a snippet from an answer to the survey conducted in the year 2018. Note for editors: the text of the quote, as well as the name, age and gender identity of its author shouldn't be changed.

[2] "LGBT resources: Definition of terms." [1]

[1]

[2]

@@ Line 1: / Line 1: @@
-{{Personal story
+{{Work in progress|Ondo}}{{Personal story
 | quote = I came out first to myself, which was after a period of denial and confusion, followed by the joy of self discovery.
 | name = Jay
@@ Line 5: / Line 5: @@
 | identity = Nonbinary
 }}
-'''Coming out''' is a phrase common in the [[LGBT]] community that means "to recognize one's [[sexual orientation]], [[gender identity]], or sex identity, and to [become] open about it with oneself and with others."<ref>"LGBT resources: Definition of terms." [http://geneq.berkeley.edu/lgbt_resources_definiton_of_terms]</ref> People with [[nonbinary]] gender identities have to come out if they are to be [[recognition|recognized]] as nonbinary. This is because in cultures that recognize only the [[gender binary]], nonbinary people have only the options of being closeted (not "out" or open about one's gender identity) or stealth (living as one's chosen gender without others knowing that one is trans). There are some particular needs that are unique to the situation of coming out as nonbinary, as opposed to coming out as anything else. For example, the average person has an idea of what [[lesbian|lesbians]] are, and knows that they exist in real life. Whatever other obstacles a lesbian woman might face when she comes out, she likely doesn't have to contend with those particular issues. However, the average person doesn't know what nonbinary people are, and doesn't have context for them existing in real life. Anyone who comes out as nonbinary needs to be prepared to explain what nonbinary gender is, and be prepared for the possibility that others might not accept it as a real gender identity.
+'''Coming out''' is a phrase common in the [[LGBT]] community that means "to recognise one's [[sexual orientation]], [[gender identity]], or sex identity, and to [become] open about it with oneself and with others."<ref>"LGBT resources: Definition of terms." [http://geneq.berkeley.edu/lgbt_resources_definiton_of_terms]</ref> People with [[nonbinary]] gender identities have to come out if they are to be [[recognition|recognised]] as nonbinary. This is because in cultures that recognise only the [[gender binary]], nonbinary people have only the options of being closeted (not "out" or open about one's gender identity) or stealth (living as one's chosen gender without others knowing that one is trans). There are some particular needs that are unique to the situation of coming out as nonbinary, as opposed to coming out as anything else. For example, the average person has an idea of what [[lesbian|lesbians]] are, and knows that they exist in real life. Whatever other obstacles a lesbian woman might face when she comes out, she likely doesn't have to contend with those particular issues. However, the average person doesn't know what nonbinary people are, and doesn't have context for them existing in real life. Anyone who comes out as nonbinary needs to be prepared to explain what nonbinary gender is, and be prepared for the possibility that others might not accept it as a real gender identity.
-==Template letters==
+== Before coming out ==
 {{Personal story
 | quote = I'm always careful at first when raising the topic with new people, if I mention trans* people and they respond badly I stay quiet about my own gender. Safety comes before comfort.
@@ Line 14: / Line 14: @@
 | identity = Agender
 }}
+=== Safety comes before comfort ===
+Coming out can be a life-changing decision. This is why it's important to take time to take your decision and to analyse your situation. Make sure that you are safe, so that if something goes wrong you can keep on going with your regular life. Even though coming out feels very liberating, there's a risk of not being accepted. A good way of making sure you live in a safe environment is mentioning transgender people in a conversation with the person you want to come out to and see their reaction.
+=== Analyse your audience ===
+Depending on who you want to come out, you will need to take a different approach. A young person is more likely to accept your identity than a grandparent is. However, always keep in mind that the opinions of older people tend to be less open because of their education, not because they don't love you.
+==Template letters==
 When coming out as nonbinary to someone in writing, it can help to use template letters to figure out what to say, and how to say it well. See the page [[Template letters#Coming out|template letters - coming out]] for a collection of these.