Intimacy

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This page will contain information and links about navigating acts of sexual intimacy as a nonbinary person, or as the partner of a nonbinary person.

Tips

• Though certain sexual acts may be traditionally associated with a binary gender, or with femininity/masculinity, this is not inherent.
• Communication before, during, and after sex is vital. For example:
  • Make it clear what acts you are comfortable with, and which ones you do not want to do. Consider working on a "Yes/No/Maybe" list for yourself and your partner(s).
  • Let your partner(s) know if there are certain words (for anatomical parts, terms of endearment, etc) that you want them to use or avoid.
  • Let your partner(s) know if there is an area of your body you do not want touched, due to dysphoria or any other reason.
  • Let your partner(s) know if you need to stop, take a pause, or change activities during the encounter for any reason.
• Orgasming is good, but not required for sex to be satisfying. Depending on hormonal levels, dysphoria, or other reasons, orgasm may be very difficult or impossible for someone to achieve.
• Penetration is also not required for sex (and may be difficult or impossible for the same reasons as listed in previous point).
• Consider if you need to use safer sex tools (internal condom, external condom, dental dam, etc) for birth control and/or preventing infection transmission. Keep in mind that hormone therapy does not fully prevent fertility.

Resources

• I’m Trans and Nonbinary: Here’s What I Want Cis People To Know About Having Sex With Me, by Jamie LeClaire
• What Is Sex Like With A Non Binary Person?, by Shannon Cabeen
• How to Have Sex with a Trans/NB Person Without Being Gross, by Mickey Valentine
• Having Sex with A Non-Binary Person, Even When That Person is You, by Maya Gittelman
• Yes, No, Maybe So: A Sexual Inventory Stocklist, by Heather Corinna and CJ Turett
• F*ck Me!, a free zine/booklet that you can fill out with your intimate preferences/needs and share with partners
• Fucking Trans Women, an 80 page zine with practical advice for sex by and with transfeminine people.
• Roche, Juno (2018). Queer Sex: A Trans and Non-Binary Guide to Intimacy, Pleasure and Relationships. Jessica Kingsley Publishers. CS1 maint: discouraged parameter (link)