Pronouns
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Pronouns are a part of language used to refer to someone or something without using proper nouns. In standard English, some singular third-person pronouns are "he" and "she," which are usually seen as gender-specific pronouns, referring to a man and a woman, respectively. A gender-neutral pronoun or gender-inclusive pronoun is one that gives no implications about gender, and could be used for someone of any gender. Some languages only have gender-neutral pronouns, whereas other languages have difficulty establishing any that aren't gender-specific. People with nonbinary gender identities often choose new third-person pronouns for themselves as part of their transition. They often choose gender-neutral pronouns so that others won't see them as female or male.
Use for nonbinary peopleEdit
Although many gender-neutral pronouns were created to speak of no specific person, some nonbinary people adopt these pronouns for themselves. They ask that other people call them only by one particular set of gender-neutral pronouns. This can be a part of a nonbinary person's social transition.
Examples of specific nonbinary people's pronounsEdit
Some nonbinary people ask to be called by gender-neutral pronouns. Other nonbinary people ask to be called by "he" or "she" pronouns, some of whom see that as a gender-neutral use of those words. The use of binary pronouns doesn't necessarily mean that someone has a binary gender identity. Some nonbinary people have more than one set of pronouns that they are okay with people using for them.
He. Some specific nonbinary people who ask to be called by "he/him" pronouns include writer Richard O'Brien.
She. Nonbinary people who ask people to use "she/her" pronouns for them include public speaker Olave Basabose, internet personality Left at London, musician JD Samson, activist Kate Bornstein (who also goes by "they")[2] and comedian Eddie Izzard[3].
They. Some nonbinary people ask to be called by "singular they" pronouns, including comedian Jes Tom, writer Ivan E. Coyote, actor Jiz Lee, writer R.B. Lemberg, singer-songwriter Rae Spoon, performance poet Kae Tempest[4] and musician Stevie Knipe.
Other pronouns. Nonbinary people who go by other pronouns include singer Mx Justin Vivian Bond, who goes by v pronouns. "Ze, hir" pronouns are the preferred pronouns of revolutionary communist Leslie Feinberg (who also went by she)[5].
Any pronouns. Some nonbinary people have no specific pronoun they want used; they are okay with any and all pronouns. For example, the model Rain Dove, voice actor Casey Mongillo, and makeup artist Justin Saint.
No pronouns. Some nonbinary people wish that no third-person pronouns be used, preferring their name or another descriptor be used in place of pronouns. For example, the evangelist Public Universal Friend and the software developer Lianna Newman.
SurveysEdit
There have been a few surveys on gender-neutral pronouns and pronoun preferences.
- This survey by anlamasanda on Tumblr ran for many months. The results were published at the start of 2012, and showed that of the 800+ people responding, singular "they" was the most popular pronoun at 62%. Commentary.
- This survey by Lottelodge (now cassolotl) on Tumblr ran for two months. The results were published in July 2013, and showed that of over 2,000 respondents singular "they" was the most popular pronoun at 63%. Commentary. This rose to 74% in 2015,[6] and 77% in 2016.[7]
- Nonbinary Stats Survey of 2016 ran in January for 8 days, and published its results in March. The most popular pronoun was "they," at 77.5%, followed by she, he, "mix it up," and a preference to not have others pronouns for one at all. The survey recorded 123 different pronoun sets in use among 3055 nonbinary people, of which, 90 pronouns were entered only once.
How to change your pronounsEdit
If you are nonbinary and want to change your pronouns, this is a purely social part of your transition, rather than one using paperwork. First, you should put some thought into choosing pronouns that feel satisfactory to you. Research and experiment to find out what feels right. Next, you need to tell other people. As a part of social transition, you need cooperation from other people in order to be called by the pronouns you want, so it's important to keep your composure as well as stay firm. You can help remind people of your pronouns by wearing them on a badge or writing them in your social media profile.
Choosing your pronounsEdit
First, form your opinions on what you want from your new pronouns. Next, list your favorite pronouns, and compare them to your opinions so that you can list their pros and cons. Meanwhile, test your favorite pronouns out loud and in writing, to see how they feel to you in action. You might want to think about why exactly you do not like your "original" pronoun.
Form opinionsEdit
You can use several criteria to help rank and decide between different pronouns. See Pronouns criteria for a whole list.
Compare themEdit
Next, after you decide what criteria you want for your pronouns, browse a list of pronouns. You can find such a list for the English language at English neutral pronouns on this wiki. Other lists are available at Talk:English neutral pronouns, Nounself pronouns, on Wiktionary, on Pronoun-Provider.tumblr.com, or in Failedslacker's Pronoun Dressing Room. Write down a list of the ones you like. Put them in a table, with columns for what you see as the good and bad traits of those pronouns. After you finish assessing them all, write down your concluding opinion about each in the last column. Here is a small example of such a table.
| Pronoun | Pros | Cons | Conclusion |
|---|---|---|---|
| ve, verself | Used in a book I like | Doesn't sound right to me | Maybe no |
| E, Emself | Common, easy to say | Too short? | Maybe yes |
You can use the above table as your template. Create your own table in a word processor, or draw it by hand in your journal. Although the above table only compares two sets of pronouns, you can add rows for as many pronouns that interest you. You don't need to form your conclusions on all pronouns in one sitting. Perhaps over the course of a few days, take your time to form your opinions on each pronoun set, and return periodically to add more notes to your pronoun table.
Test themEdit
At the same time as you work on the above table of pros and cons, test the pronouns that you might like. Try them in several ways: in writing, out loud, and in reference to you. If you have friends who understand, test out having them call you by these pronouns for a little while. You can help your friends with this by wearing a pronoun badge (see below). You can also test how your pronouns look in writing by using web-sites that put them into a text. Such sites include Genderev's Pronoun Try-On, Pronouns And Names Tester, Failedslacker's Pronoun Dressing Room, Pronoun Island and PracticeWithPronouns.com. You may find that you feel differently about the pronouns when they are in action, and when they are in reference to you.
Announcing your change of pronounsEdit
When you have settled on your chosen set of pronouns, you need to tell people, so they can start using them for you. Announce it to them by a handwritten letter, e-mail, or blog post. Keep your message polite, and say "please" and "thank you." In order to be complete, and to address the first questions the reader might ask, your announcement should include these parts:
- Opening: Assuming that you have already come out to these people as nonbinary, your announcement message should open with a reminder of that, as part of the explanation for why you want to change your pronouns.
- List all the grammatical forms of your new pronouns.
- Show people how to use these pronouns by giving an example of them in use in a sentence or several.
- You might tell how to pronounce the pronouns.
- Briefly say why you chose these pronouns rather than others.
- If you use two sets of pronouns, explain which set is more appropriate, under what conditions.
- Conclusion: Request that people use these pronouns for you.
Based on the above, here is a sample letter of a fictional person announcing their pronoun change. You can use it as a template for writing your own.
Dear Stuart,
As you know, I have a nonbinary gender identity, meaning that I don't think of myself as a woman or a man. I'm transitioning to a gender expression that feels more like the real me. Since being called "he" or "she" doesn't feel right to me, I have decided to change my pronouns to singular they (they, them, their, theirs, themself). For an example of these pronouns in a couple sentences: "They are Morgan, that's them. They will read their book by themself". I like these singular gender-neutral pronouns the best because they were used by Shakespeare, Jane Austen, and other great writers. They have been a part of English for a long time. From now on, please call me by "they" pronouns, instead of "he" or "she".
Thank you,
Mx Morgan Doe
You can also use the above sample letter as a template for writing an e-mail, just by leaving out the signature. Use it as a template for a blog post by leaving out the salutation.
Pronoun badgesEdit
To help other people remember which pronouns you want to be called by, you can wear a badge, jewelry, accessory, or piece of clothing with your pronouns written on it. Learn more at Pronoun badges.
Pronoun etiquetteEdit
Many binary and nonbinary transgender folk experience gender dysphoria when people refer to them using the wrong pronouns. For those who don't pass as well as they'd like, being called by the wrong gender (misgendered) with the wrong pronouns is a common problem with a lot of work involved. An individual, upon being misgendered, is forced to either do the coming out spiel or grin and bear it, making the coming out later more awkward. If someone corrects you on their pronouns, the best way you can help is to start using their preferred pronouns right away without argument.
If your pronouns are unusual, or aren't what people think of as matching your gender expression, you may have to get used to reminding people to use them, and explaining them to people a lot. Learn people's common questions and objections to your pronouns, and rehearse your responses to them, so that you can keep your composure.
A person can have more than one set of pronouns that they want people to use for them. For example, suppose that your favorite set of pronouns might be "ze, hir." However, you don't want these to make an accessibility problem for people who have trouble with English, or maybe there are some situations where you don't feel safe using them, or don't feel up to the challenge of getting people to use them. In that case, you have decided to let people also call you by a second set of pronouns (auxiliary pronouns) that you like almost but not quite as much: "she, her." Many nonbinary people may also use two or more pronouns with equal preference, which may look like allowing others to decide which of their pronouns to use, using different pronouns in different situations, or alternating pronouns equally. For another example, some genderfluid people feel comfortable or uncomfortable with certain pronouns depending on the current state of their gender identity. As a result, they alternate pronouns depending on their current identity, and ask to be called by different pronouns at different times.
Unusual pronouns can make trouble for people who speak English as a second language, or who have disabilities that make it harder for them to speak and understand English. Unusual pronouns are difficult to understand for people who lipread.[8] If you or another person have difficulty using unusual pronouns for these reasons, then it is acceptable and appropriate to ask a person if they have another set of pronouns that you can use in that case.[9]
Arabic neutral pronounsEdit
Gender-neutral pronouns in Modern Standard Arabic (اللغة العربية) include:
هما means "they, originally dual, can work as a neutral singular third person."[10]
انتما means "second person dual."[10]
Bulgarian neutral pronounsEdit
Gender-neutral pronouns in Bulgarian language (български език) include:
те/тях/техен/им "generally used for a group of people, could be used as singular as in 'they'"<