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===Announcing your change of pronouns=== | ===Announcing your change of pronouns=== | ||
When you have | When you have settled on your favorite set of pronouns, you need to tell people, so they can start using them for you. Announce it to them by a handwritten letter, e-mail, or blog post. Keep your message polite, and say "please" and "thank you." In order to be complete, and to address the first questions the reader might ask, your announcement should include these parts: | ||
*Opening: Assuming that you have already [[come out]] to these people as nonbinary, your announcement message should open with a reminder of that, as part of the explanation for why you want to change your pronouns. | *Opening: Assuming that you have already [[come out]] to these people as nonbinary, your announcement message should open with a reminder of that, as part of the explanation for why you want to change your pronouns. | ||
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==Pronoun etiquette== | ==Pronoun etiquette== | ||
Many [[gender binary|binary]] and [[transgender]] folk experience [[gender dysphoria]] when people refer to them using the wrong pronouns. For those who don't [[Practical_resources#Presentation|pass]] as well as they'd like, being called by the wrong gender (''misgendered'') with the wrong pronouns is a common problem with a lot of work involved. An individual, upon being misgendered, is forced to either do the [[coming out]] spiel or grin and bear it, making the coming out later more awkward. If someone corrects you on their pronouns, the best way you can help is to start using their preferred pronouns right away without argument. | Many [[gender binary|binary]] and [[nonbinary]] [[transgender]] folk experience [[gender dysphoria]] when people refer to them using the wrong pronouns. For those who don't [[Practical_resources#Presentation|pass]] as well as they'd like, being called by the wrong gender (''misgendered'') with the wrong pronouns is a common problem with a lot of work involved. An individual, upon being misgendered, is forced to either do the [[coming out]] spiel or grin and bear it, making the coming out later more awkward. If someone corrects you on their pronouns, the best way you can help is to start using their preferred pronouns right away without argument. | ||
If your pronouns are unusual, or aren't what people think of as matching your gender expression, you may have to get used to reminding people to use them, and explaining them to people a lot. Learn people's common questions and objections to your pronouns, and rehearse your responses to them, so that you can keep your composure. | If your pronouns are unusual, or aren't what people think of as matching your gender expression, you may have to get used to reminding people to use them, and explaining them to people a lot. Learn people's common questions and objections to your pronouns, and rehearse your responses to them, so that you can keep your composure. | ||
A person can have more than one set of pronouns that they want people to use for them. For example, suppose that your favorite set of pronouns might be "ze, hir." However, you don't want these to make an accessibility problem for people who have trouble with English, or maybe there are some situations where you don't feel safe using them, or don't feel up to the challenge of getting people to use them. In that case, you have decided to let people also call you by a second set of pronouns (''auxiliary pronouns'') that you like almost but not quite as much: "she, her." For another example, some genderfluid people feel comfortable or uncomfortable with certain pronouns depending on their current feelings about their gender identity. As a result, they feel the need to alternate pronouns, and ask to be called by different pronouns at different times | A person can have more than one set of pronouns that they want people to use for them. For example, suppose that your favorite set of pronouns might be "ze, hir." However, you don't want these to make an accessibility problem for people who have trouble with English, or maybe there are some situations where you don't feel safe using them, or don't feel up to the challenge of getting people to use them. In that case, you have decided to let people also call you by a second set of pronouns (''auxiliary pronouns'') that you like almost but not quite as much: "she, her." For another example, some genderfluid people feel comfortable or uncomfortable with certain pronouns depending on their current feelings about their gender identity. As a result, they feel the need to alternate pronouns, and ask to be called by different pronouns at different times. | ||
Unusual pronouns can make trouble for people who speak English as a second language, or who have disabilities that make it harder for them to speak and understand English. Unusual pronouns are difficult to understand for people who lipread.<ref>"Pronouns." ''Footnotes.'' 2003. Retrieved 2007. http://web.archive.org/web/20090414130833/http://footnotes.jinkies.org.uk/pronouns.html</ref> If you and another person have difficulty using unusual pronouns for people for these reasons, then it is acceptable and appropriate to ask a person if they have another set of pronouns that you can use in that case.<ref>otherkinlogic, vulpinekin, and roborenard. "Nounself pronouns and how to use them." http://otherkinlogic.tumblr.com/post/92382457520 </ref> | Unusual pronouns can make trouble for people who speak English as a second language, or who have disabilities that make it harder for them to speak and understand English. Unusual pronouns are difficult to understand for people who lipread.<ref>"Pronouns." ''Footnotes.'' 2003. Retrieved 2007. http://web.archive.org/web/20090414130833/http://footnotes.jinkies.org.uk/pronouns.html</ref> If you and another person have difficulty using unusual pronouns for people for these reasons, then it is acceptable and appropriate to ask a person if they have another set of pronouns that you can use in that case.<ref>otherkinlogic, vulpinekin, and roborenard. "Nounself pronouns and how to use them." http://otherkinlogic.tumblr.com/post/92382457520 </ref> | ||