Gender neutral language in English

Gay = gay

History

Although English has grammatical gender, it's only a vestige of what it once had. Old English once had grammatical gender for inanimate objects, but this practice started to disappear in the 700s, and vanished in the 1200s. The population of England at that time spoke several languages, and the same inanimate objects had different genders in those different languages. They may have stopped using that part entirely just to make it simpler. English stopped using grammatical gender for inanimate objects, but it still uses grammatical gender for people and personal pronouns. There is enough to make a challenge for nonbinary people who don't want gendered language to be used for them.

Gender-neutral language has become common in English today largely thanks to the pioneering work by feminists Casey Miller and Kate Swift. During the 1970s, they began the work of encouraging inclusive language, as an alternative to sexist language that excludes or dehumanizes women. Miller and Swift wrote a manual on gender-neutral language, The Handbook of Nonsexist Writing (1980). Miller and Swift also proposed a set of gender-neutral pronouns, tey, although they later favored singular they, or he or she. There are several books on gender-neutral English, such as Rosalie Maggio's book The Nonsexist Word Finder: A Dictionary of Gender-Free Usage (1989).

Words and alternatives

This is a list of both standard (dictionary) and non-standard (created) terms and pronouns to include nonbinary identities. It should be noted that while some are genderless or third gender, others are multigender. Terms will be marked with the implied gender identity when possible.

Pronouns

See main article at English neutral pronouns.

Titles

For gender-neutral replacements of titles like Ms and Mr, see main article at Gender neutral titles.

Honorifics

Ma'am/Sir

Standard English doesn't have a gender neutral word that's used in the same way as Ma'am and Sir — a formal form of address used in some places to show respect, and commonly required for use by customer service professionals. People have created some words to fill this lexical gap, but they remain uncommon words. People have also suggested using other words in place of Ma'am and Sir, but they tend to fail the tests of formality and simplicity that customer service professionals (and their managers) apply to such usage.

Common words

• Friend: Neutral, informal.
• Tiz: A gender-neutral replacement for ma'am/sir, from Citizen.

• Citizen; neutral.
• Comrade; neutral, has Socialist, Communist and/or Anarchist connotations.
• Friend; neutral, very informal.
• Laddam; queer, a mix of Lad and Madam.
• Mezz; pronounced [mɛz].
• Mir; queer, a mix of Sir and Madam.
• Mirdam; queer, a mix of Sir and Madam, although it still sounds similar to Madam.
• Mistdam; queer, a mix of Mister and Madam.
• Mistrum: queer; a neutral alternative to Mister and Mistress.
• Pe'n: Neutral, short for "person", pronounced "pen"
• Sa'am; a mix of sir and ma'am. Sounds like a masculine leaning name.
• Sir; neutral, Sir is used neutrally in the military, although this doesn’t work as well outside of that.
• Sir’ram; queer, a mix of Sir and Ma’am.

• Shazam. Neutral, coined by a highschool student wishing to address a nonbinary teacher with a formal term of respect.
• Tiz; neutral, short for citizen.
• Zam. Neutral, based on shazam, coined by Arin Wolfe.
• Ser; neutral, based on Final Fantasy XIV's usage for both male and female knights of Ishgard.

Common nouns

Type of common noun	Feminine	Masculine	Gender inclusive (could be masculine or feminine)	Specifically nonbinary
Young person	Girl, maiden	Boy, youth	Child, kid, infant, teen, teenager, tween, young person, youth	Enby
Adult person	Woman, gal, lady	Man, gentleman, lad	Adult, gentlebeing, gentleperson, grownup	Enby, enban
Person of any age	Female	Male	Being, human, human being, one, person, somebody, someone	Enby

(Note that using "male" and "female" as nouns for people, e.g. "my dentist is a male", is seen as dehumanising in English, and in particular "female" as a noun is considered sexist.) (Note 2: Some nonbinary people dislike "enby" and feel it is infantilizing.)

Family and relationship words

See also: family and intimacy.

Parent

Parents as in the formal words mother or father, or the informal mama or dada. Gender-neutral and gender-inclusive words for a parent of any gender, or non-standard specifically nonbinary, queer, or genderqueer words.

Common words

• Parent: Neutral, formal

• Baba. "Neutral, based on mama and dada. (Note, baba means dad in some languages and grandmother in others.)"
• Bibi. "Queer, based on the B in NB [nonbinary], similar to mama and papa/dada."
• Cenn. "Neutral, short for cennend," which see.
• Cennend. "Neutral, Old English (Anglo-Saxon) meaning parent."
• Da. "Queer mixture (note: sounds like Ma, Pa). However, "Da'" is used in some areas of Britain and Ireland as a shortened form of "Dad".
• Dommy. "Queer, mixture of mommy and daddy (note: sounds like Dom/me, a BDSM term)."
• Mada. Queer, mixture of mama and dad.
• Maddy. "Queer, mixture of mummy/mommy and daddy." Note: Sometimes used to mean a trans woman who has children.
• Moddy. "Queer, mixture of mommy and daddy."
• Moppa / Mopa. A mix of mommy and papa.
• Muddy. "Queer, mixture of mummy and daddy."
• Nibi. "A mix of bibi and nini."
• Nini. "Queer, based on the N in NB, similar to mama and papa/dada."
• Non. Follows a similar pattern (CvC) to Mom or Dad, could be short for "nonbinary".
• Nonny. Based on the N in NB, similar to Mommy or Daddy, generally used when a child is referring to their nonbinary parent.
• Numa. A nickname that was repurposed to be a parent name. Coincidentally like a combination of Nonbinary Mumma.
• Par. "Neutral, short for parent."
• Pare: Short for parent. Can call to mind an au pair, which is a live in childcare worker (usually a woman but not always). The term means equal to, implying that one is equal to a mother or father. Also similar to père, or the French word for father. Other associations include pear (the fruit) or pair, as in the other half of a couple.
• Parental Unit (PU). Neutral, informal, humorous, possibly disrespectful. Used by the alien family in Coneheads, and taken up by popular culture.
• Per. "Neutral, short for parent." (See also: per pronouns and Pr title.)
• Ren. Derived from "parent." Gender-neutral. The equivalent to mommy or daddy is "renny." Coined or popularized by Katie Hall in 2017.
• Rent. Short form of parent.
• Zaza. "Queer, based on mama and papa/dada."
• Zither. "Queer, based on mother and father. (Note, zither is also the name of a musical instrument.)"

Child

Some of these gender-inclusive or gender-queer words refer only to relationship (as in daughter, son, or offspring), others only to age (girl, boy, or young one), and some to both (children).

Common words

• Baby: Standard neutral word for very young offspring or very young people.
• Child: Standard gender neutral word for a young person or an offspring. Implied age isn't adult, but may be.
• Kid: Standard informal gender neutral term for young children or young offspring.

• Bitsy. Non-standard genderqueer term for a very young person.
• Charge. Standard gender neutral word for a person in the care of another, often one's child.
• Dependent. A person who relies on another-- usually a family member who may or may not be their parent-- for financial support; this is most often used as a standard gender-neutral word for a child too young to work. Formal.
• Enby. From "NB (nonbinary)", a nonbinary equivalent of the words "boy" and "girl." However, some adults call themselves enbies.
• Get. Poetic language for offspring.
• Little one. Neutral word for a very young child or young offspring.
• Minor. Standard gender-neutral word for a person under the legal age of consent.
• Nesser. Non-standard genderqueer term for "daughter/son".
• Offspring. Neutral, standard word, but not usually used for people, except in legal language.
• Oldest. Neutral, a way of speaking of one's offspring by saying "my oldest," rather than saying "my daughter/son."
• Second-born. Neutral, a way of speaking of one's offspring by saying "my second-born," rather than saying "my daughter/son." Also works for third-, fourth-, or fifth-born, etc.
• Sprog. Neutral, crude word for a young person.
• Youth. Neutral, poetic word for a young person, but usually implied to be male.
• Young. Neutral, standard word for offspring, but not usually used for people ("my young.")
• Youngest. Neutral, a way of speaking of one's offspring by saying "my youngest," rather than saying "my daughter/son."
• Young one. Neutral, poetic. Alternatively: young'un.
• Young person. Neutral, standard, formal.
• Ward. Standard gender-neutral word for a person, usually a child, under the care of an adult, who may or may not be their parent. Formal.

Aunt/Uncle

Standard English doesn't have a gender neutral word for one's parent's sibling. People have created some words to fill this lexical gap, but they are still uncommon words.

Common words

• Auncle: Combination of aunt and uncle.

• Avaunt. It derives from the roots of both "aunt" and "uncle", the anglo-French "aunte" and the Latin "avunculus".
• Bibi. "Queer, based on the B in NB [nonbinary], similar to Titi/Zizi."
• Cousin. "Neutral, as sometimes people say aunt/uncle for parents’ cousins, or much older cousins."
• Nibi. Combination of Nini and Bibi, based on NB.
• Entle. "Non-standard alternative that combines the sounds of aunt and uncle in a single word."
• Nini. "Queer, based on the N in NB, similar to Titi/Zizi."
• Ommer. Non-standard genderqueer term for "aunt/uncle".
• Oggy. Non-standard genderqueer/nonbinary term for parents sibling.
• Pibling. "Neutral, your parent’s sibling."
• Titi. "Neutral, from the Spanish for Aunt (Tia) and Uncle (Tio). (however, it is often a diminuative of aunt.) Tie is also gaining popularity the neutral e becoming more prevalent in casual Spanish. " "Titi" also happens to be a vulgar Filipino term for penis.^{[citation needed]}
• Zizi. "Neutral, from the Italian for Aunt (Zia) and Uncle (Zio). (Note: zizi is also a French children’s ‘cute’ word for penis.)"
• Untie/Unty. "Queer, combination of uncle and auntie/aunty."

Niece/Nephew

Standard English doesn't have a gender neutral word for one's sibling's child. People have created some words to fill this lexical gap, but they are still uncommon words.

Common words

• Nibling: Non-standard gender neutral term for "niece/nephew".

• Chibling. "Neutral, the children of your sibling."
• Cousin. "Neutral, as sometimes people say niece/nephew for cousins’ children, or much younger cousins."
• Nespring. A mix of offspring and the Latin word nepos, from which both niece and nephew are derived.
• Niecew. "Queer, mixture of niece and nephew."
• Nieph. "Queer, mixture of niece and nephew."
• Niephling. Neutral, mixture of niece, nephew, and sibling.
• Nephiece. "Queer, mixture of nephew and niece."
• Sibkid. "Neutral, short for sibling’s kid."
• Niephew. "A mixture of niece and nephew."

Grandparent

Gender-neutral or genderqueer words for grandparent.

Common words

• Grandparent: Neutral, formal.

• Bibi. "Queer, based on the B in NB, similar to nana and papa."
• Grandwa. "Queer, based on grandma and grandpa."
• Grandy.' "Neutral, short for Grandparent, Grandma or Grandpa."
• Nini. "Queer, based on the N in NB, similar to nana and papa."
• Gran. Short for grandparent, grandmother, or grandfather.

Sibling

Gender-neutral or genderqueer words for sibling.

Common words

• Sibling: Standard gender neutral term for sister or brother.
• Sib: Short for sibling, equivalent of bro or sis.

• Emmer. Non-standard genderqueer term for sibling.
• Sibster. "Queer, combination of sibling and sister."
• Sibter. "Queer, combination of sibling and brother."

Partner

Gender-inclusive or genderqueer words for tentative romantic and sexual partners (as in girlfriend, boyfriend, or date) as well as permanent ones (as in wife, husband, or spouse).

Date

Gender-neutral and genderqueer words for a non-committed relationship, such as boyfriend, girlfriend, or date.

Common words

• Date: Neutral, the person you are dating.
• Love/Lover: Neutral, often implies sexual relationship, but simply refers to someone you love/who loves you.
• Sweetie/Sweetheart: Neutral, cheesy or old-fashioned.

• Birlfriend. "Queer, mix of boyfriend and girlfriend." Birl is also a particular gender identity.
• Boifriend. "Queer, boi is a particular gender identity."
• Boo. From "beau". Originated in African American English, but now used more widely.
• Bothfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• Boygirlfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• Cuddle Buddy. "Neutral, cheesy."
• Darling. Neutral, a general term of affection, similar to sweetheart but not antiquated.
• Datefriend. "Neutral, the person you are dating, but fitting the boyfriend/girlfriend pattern."
• Datemate. "Neutral, a rhyming version of datefriend, the person you are dating."
• Enbyfriend. "Queer, based on boyfriend and girfriend. (note: enby comes from NB, non-binary)."
• Feyfriend. Queer, due to the implications of "fey."
• Genderfriend. "Queer, based on boyfriend and girlfriend."
• Girlboyfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• [name]friend. "Queer, based on girlfriend and boyfriend."
• Paramour. "Neutral, someone you are having a sexual relationship with."
• Personfriend. "Neutral, leaning towards queer, based on boyfriend and girlfriend."
• Theyfriend. "Neutral, based on a combination of pronouns and boyfriend and girlfriend."
• Joyfriend. "Neutral, cute, based on girlfriend, boyfriend, and theyfriend.

Significant other

Gender-neutral and genderqueer words for a girlfriend, boyfriend, or partner in a committed relationship.

Common words

• Beloved: Neutral, one who one loves.
• Partner: Neutral, often (but not necessarily) queer.
• Significant Other (SO): Neutral, quite formal. Implies monogamy.

• Birlfriend. "Queer, mix of boyfriend and girlfriend." Birl is also a particular gender identity.
• Boifriend. "Queer, boi is a particular gender identity."
• Boofriend. "Neutral, playing off of 'Boo' (above)." Great cute option!
• Bothfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• Boygirlfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• Companion. "Neutral, reference to Doctor Who’s companions, or Firefly’s Companions."
• Cuddle Buddy. "Neutral, cheesy."
• Darling. Neutral, a general term of affection, similar to sweetheart but not antiquated.
• Datemate. Queer, for nonbinary people.
• Enbyfriend. "Queer, based on boyfriend and girfriend. (note: enby comes from NB, non-binary)."
• Feyfriend. Queer, due to the implications of "fey."
• Genderfriend. "Queer, based on boyfriend and girlfriend."
• Girlboyfriend. "Queer, for bigender or androgynous people."
• Imzadi. "Neutral, from Star Trek, a Betazed word similar to beloved."
• Loveperson. "Neutral, a person that you love."
• [name]friend. "Queer, based on girlfriend and boyfriend."
• Other Half. "Neutral, informal, and implies monogamy."
• Paramour. "Neutral, someone you are having a sexual relationship with."
• Personfriend. "Neutral, leaning towards queer, based on boyfriend and girlfriend."
• Signif. Neutral. Slang abbreviation of "significant other."
• S.O.. Neutral. Widely used abbreviation of "significant other."
• Soul Mate. "Neutral, slightly cheesy, implies belief in soul mates." Implies monogamy.
• Steady. "Neutral, as in 'going steady' or 'steady girlfriend/boyfriend'." Implies monogamy.
• Sweetie. "Neutral, slightly cheesy."
• Sweetheart. "Neutral, cheesy or old-fashioned."

Fiancée/Fiancé

In addition to the above list of words for significant other.

• Betrothed. "Neutral, formal." Usually means an arranged marriage.
• Spouse-to-be.
• Intended. Implies intent to marry.
• Epoxi; neutral, from the French ‘époux’ which means husband/spouse.
• Fiancé. While traditionally only used for men, it is becoming more common to use it gender-neutrally, for example: "Matt called his fiancé and told her to come to the office."

Spouse

In addition to the above list of words for significant other.

• Spouse. "Standard, neutral, formal."
• Epox; neutral, from the French ‘époux’ which means husband/spouse.

Other family relationships

Gender-neutral and genderqueer words for other kinds of family relationships.

• Godparent. Standard gender neutral term for godfather or godmother.
• Godren
• Grandchild. Standard gender neutral term for grandson or granddaughter.

Boy/Girl

• Enby- From NB or nonbinary
• Neut as in Neutral
• Null gender is null
• Newt another form of neutral/neut

Professions

• Bartender or Bar tender. Standard gender neutral term for barman or barmaid.
• Business person. Standard gender neutral term for businessman or businesswoman.
• Clergy member. Standard gender neutral term for clergyman, priest, priestess, and many religious titles.
• Consort. Term for the Queen or Prince Consort, dropping the gendered part.
• Cowhand. Standard gender neutral term for cowboy or cowgirl.
• Comedian. Standard gender neutral term. Although some people use "comedienne" for women, "comedian" is generally considered non-gendered.
• Flight attendant. Standard gender neutral term for stewardess/steward (on a plane).
• Heroix. Proposed nonbinary equivalent to hero or heroine that specifies an individual doing heroic work is nonbinary.
• Horse rider/Equestrian. Standard gender neutral term for horseman or horsewoman.
• -ling. Gender neutral Old English suffix for someone involved in something. Can be used in place of "-man", "-person" or "-woman" as a suffix for occupation, such as "businessling".
• Minister. Standard gender neutral term for priest or priestess.
• Monarch. Standard gender neutral term for a king or queen.
• Monarch's heir. Gender neutral term for a prince or princess.
• Movie star or TV star. Standard gender neutral terms for "actor"/"actress", although increasingly the word "actor" is being used regardless of gender, including by some nonbinary stars such as Asia Kate Dillon.
• Noble. A nobleman/noblewoman, lord/lady, prince/princess, duke/duchess, or many other noble ranks that lack specific gender neutral titles.
• Prime. Derived from Latin. Gender Neutral term for a prince or princess.
• Princexx/Princex/Prinx/Prin/Prinxe/Princet/Princette/Princev/Princen/Princus/Heir Other gender neutral terms for Prince/Princess/Royalty incorporating the letter x; a common indicator of gender neutral language.
• Pilot. Standard gender neutral term for aviator or aviatrix.
• Police officer or cop. Standard gender neutral terms for policeman or policewoman.
• Priestx. Other gender neutral term to substitute for Priest or Priestess, mainly used in Pagan community.
• Quing. Neologistic gender-neutral term for a monarch.
• Royalty. Standard. Usually refers to a family but can be used as a Gender Neutral term for a prince/princess or a king/queen.
• Server. Standard gender neutral term for a person who provides items to customers, such as a "waiter/waitress" or "steward/stewardess".
• Wix. Neologistic gender neutral term for a magic user (akin to "witch"/"wizard"). Originated in Harry Potter fandom, created by tumblr blog magicqueers. However, many people view "witch" as gender neutral instead of specific to women.

Descriptions

• Attractive. Gender neutral term equally applicable to "handsome" or "beautiful" individuals. Implies the speaker experiences some form of attraction, so might not be suitable for people who are aromantic or asexual.
• Good-looking. Standard gender neutral term.
• Gorgeous. Gender neutral alternative to "handsome" or "beautiful," but tends to be feminine.
• Youthful. Gender neutral alternative to "boyish" or perhaps "girlish," but tends to be masculine.
• Dapper. Gender neutral alternative to "handsome" or "beautiful," but tends to be masculine.
• Charming. Gender neutral alternative to "handsome" or "beautiful," but tends to be masculine.
• Snazzy. Gender neutral alternative to "handsome" or "beautiful," tends to be a more playful term.

Deity titles

• Absolute Being. Standard term for a monotheistic deity, without implied gender.
• Almighty. Standard term for a monotheistic deity, without implied gender.
• Creator. Standard term for a deity who created the world and/or humankind.
• Deity. Standard gender neutral term for a god or goddess.
• Divine, the. Common gender neutral term for a deity or supernatural forces.
• Divine being. Common gender neutral term for a deity or supernatural entity.
• God. Standard gender neutral term for a god or goddess, but tends to be presumed male.
• Goddex. "Queer, based on the God/dess ending."
• Goddette. "Queer, based on the God/ess ending."
• Goddeq. "Queer, based on the God/ess ending."
• Heavens, the. Common gender neutral term for a deity, deities, or supernatural forces.
• Higher Power. Standard gender neutral term for a deity, deities, or supernatural forces.
• Liege. Neutral equivalent of lord or lady.
• Powers that be. Common gender neutral term for a god, goddess, or similar supernatural beings or forces.
• Ruler. Neutral equivalent of lord or lady.
• Sovereign. Neutral equivalent of lord or lady.
• Wild Divine, the. New Age name for God, Goddess, or primal supernatural forces.

Other terms

• Bachelorx. Neutral, alternative to bachelor and bachelorette.
• Fanenby. Queer, using enby after fanboy or fangirl.
• Fanby. Queer. Similar to Fanenby
• Fankid. Neutral, after fanboy or fangirl.
• Fanchild. Neutral. Similar to fankid.
• Fellowship of the Rings. Neutral alternative to a party of nonbinary Wedding Ushers.
• Wedding usher. Neutral, alternative to bridesmaid or groomsman.

See also

• Gender neutral language
• Glossary of English gender and sex terminology

External links

• "Gender neutral/queer titles." Gender Queeries. http://genderqueeries.tumblr.com/titles